Courtesy: to the great Rebecca Sharon David...n her recyclable forward..
Dedicated to all the sweet bitches (no offences)..in TISS..he he..u will lov it..
and ofcourse to TISS and all the TISSians who made me redefine n define my definitions
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things in my own way they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch means I wont compromise what is in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way. It means I wont allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice,and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself, instead of being everyones maid, or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the strength and courage to allow myself to be who I truly am and wont become anyone elses's idea of what they think "I should be".
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!!
So try to stomp on me,try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty hold within me.
You wont succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.I embrace the title and I am proud to bear it.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Me...n my experiments with physiology.
To be or not to be...
Well when you dont have a choice there is no possible relevance for such a question.From my youngest days...mm..lovely song..ya..cmn back to what I was intending to say was...I was a frail child..as if I am not now..well..frail, fragile, weak, lean, thin, skinny...all these can be used as adjectives for describin I suppose..not that these flimsy qualities(or shortcomings)have ever come my way. I have somehow managed to outweigh the misfortunes you got to face inevitably because of your physical characteristics.Well a major chunk of gratitude goes to my mom who for some queer reason still wants her one n only precious daughter to be puny n meek(well dats quite a bit xtreme adjectification..mind u..i am not dat bad)..Anyways I have been experimented with all sorts of quaintlooking medicines, awfully wretched kashaayams and a variety of diets which would be the nightmare of even the best chef in the world.I guess I have even tried Karinkurangu Rasaayanam..Now the animal lovers in my college is gonna shoot me point blank.Well, apparently I was able to survive the ergonomic combinations of a variety of potions and still remain the same.
Now, it never bothered me till my dad dropped this bombshell of becoming aesthetically approvable before an interview board..now dat really got me..because even I have to admit that I still look like a kid.So I thought of changing my strategy.Since the basic problem does not lie with my eating habits..coz I eat like a pig most of the times eventhough its hard to believe..I just dont display any kind of finesse expected of a lady..anyways pondering over how to increase my kilobytes, my darling friend made a proposal.TISSians have this wonderfully deserted gym with all sorts of paraphernalia within it.So one fine morning I decide to go gymmin.I put on my sneakers n the new t-shirts which I bought exclusively for the gym and take a deep breath n ther I gooo...Now waking up early in the morning is almost a next to impossible thingie..but still I managed to the surprise of my roomies..anyways aruna takes me to the gym and introduce me to the machines(I dunno whether I can call em so)and ofcourse to the TRAINER..vikrant..aka..vikki..I look around with mixed feelings of fascination and tremor..Here lies my future..to be or not to be... my life would be dangling beneath the high walls of that massive building with everything vested in the hands of an overgrown goodlooking teenager(He must be barely 20, i sweaaar...)And the worst part is everyone elze is ther to reduce the extra flab n poor me is the only misfortune one to go n tell him dat I needed to gain weight. Well, I would never ever forget the perplexed look which accused me of putting him on the spot.I guess he had never come across a weird creature like me with the weirdest request.Anyways he started with a diet for me..which I cooly told him s nt gnna work out..because I ate more than what he told me with an unassumed grace of a starved animal.He made me push n pull those machines whose names are still unknown to me.By the end of my half hour gymmin I would be sweatin n pantin with my mouth open wide like a canis familiaris.To be fair to my trainer he had his utmost sympathies with me.He used to give me this irritatingly condescending looks after each session.Now to cutdown the story short, I made it only for two weeks(which is rather an achievement)..and then as usual my sleep is extended towards the bliss of 8.30..and I ended up running away from darling vikki for a long time in mortal fear.
Now that nothing seems to work, dad has come up with a new potion..amukkaram with ghee n sugar..well apparently it works within 15 days..lets see whether this is going to metamorphize me into something else...well I dont mind remaining as I am..but again..to be or not to be...
Well when you dont have a choice there is no possible relevance for such a question.From my youngest days...mm..lovely song..ya..cmn back to what I was intending to say was...I was a frail child..as if I am not now..well..frail, fragile, weak, lean, thin, skinny...all these can be used as adjectives for describin I suppose..not that these flimsy qualities(or shortcomings)have ever come my way. I have somehow managed to outweigh the misfortunes you got to face inevitably because of your physical characteristics.Well a major chunk of gratitude goes to my mom who for some queer reason still wants her one n only precious daughter to be puny n meek(well dats quite a bit xtreme adjectification..mind u..i am not dat bad)..Anyways I have been experimented with all sorts of quaintlooking medicines, awfully wretched kashaayams and a variety of diets which would be the nightmare of even the best chef in the world.I guess I have even tried Karinkurangu Rasaayanam..Now the animal lovers in my college is gonna shoot me point blank.Well, apparently I was able to survive the ergonomic combinations of a variety of potions and still remain the same.
Now, it never bothered me till my dad dropped this bombshell of becoming aesthetically approvable before an interview board..now dat really got me..because even I have to admit that I still look like a kid.So I thought of changing my strategy.Since the basic problem does not lie with my eating habits..coz I eat like a pig most of the times eventhough its hard to believe..I just dont display any kind of finesse expected of a lady..anyways pondering over how to increase my kilobytes, my darling friend made a proposal.TISSians have this wonderfully deserted gym with all sorts of paraphernalia within it.So one fine morning I decide to go gymmin.I put on my sneakers n the new t-shirts which I bought exclusively for the gym and take a deep breath n ther I gooo...Now waking up early in the morning is almost a next to impossible thingie..but still I managed to the surprise of my roomies..anyways aruna takes me to the gym and introduce me to the machines(I dunno whether I can call em so)and ofcourse to the TRAINER..vikrant..aka..vikki..I look around with mixed feelings of fascination and tremor..Here lies my future..to be or not to be... my life would be dangling beneath the high walls of that massive building with everything vested in the hands of an overgrown goodlooking teenager(He must be barely 20, i sweaaar...)And the worst part is everyone elze is ther to reduce the extra flab n poor me is the only misfortune one to go n tell him dat I needed to gain weight. Well, I would never ever forget the perplexed look which accused me of putting him on the spot.I guess he had never come across a weird creature like me with the weirdest request.Anyways he started with a diet for me..which I cooly told him s nt gnna work out..because I ate more than what he told me with an unassumed grace of a starved animal.He made me push n pull those machines whose names are still unknown to me.By the end of my half hour gymmin I would be sweatin n pantin with my mouth open wide like a canis familiaris.To be fair to my trainer he had his utmost sympathies with me.He used to give me this irritatingly condescending looks after each session.Now to cutdown the story short, I made it only for two weeks(which is rather an achievement)..and then as usual my sleep is extended towards the bliss of 8.30..and I ended up running away from darling vikki for a long time in mortal fear.
Now that nothing seems to work, dad has come up with a new potion..amukkaram with ghee n sugar..well apparently it works within 15 days..lets see whether this is going to metamorphize me into something else...well I dont mind remaining as I am..but again..to be or not to be...
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
From you to eternity.
Dedicated for you...for being my love..hate..sorrow..joy..frustration..hope..laughter..everything i wanted you to be..
I make up deceits to make up for what I lack
But the further I move the deeper I recess...My guilt crystallizes for wearing those masks lulling me into the agony of introspection. And all this glorious misery builds my confidence in pain.
In this bleakness,a ray of hope exists.It's selfish that I need you to feel complete but you're my salvation.Right now,My greatest need is your presence, in my life and in my psyche.The need for each other, and in the presumption of a secure future.As we foresee our happiness we distract our vision from reality .I fall into the padded trap and make you also tumble,because my eyes are focused part on each other
and part towards the heavens and the road to togetherness lies in front of us.It drives me crazy.I envy the flight of birds.They soar so easily and freely above the horizon.If only I could fly like that with you...towards eternity.
I make up deceits to make up for what I lack
But the further I move the deeper I recess...My guilt crystallizes for wearing those masks lulling me into the agony of introspection. And all this glorious misery builds my confidence in pain.
In this bleakness,a ray of hope exists.It's selfish that I need you to feel complete but you're my salvation.Right now,My greatest need is your presence, in my life and in my psyche.The need for each other, and in the presumption of a secure future.As we foresee our happiness we distract our vision from reality .I fall into the padded trap and make you also tumble,because my eyes are focused part on each other
and part towards the heavens and the road to togetherness lies in front of us.It drives me crazy.I envy the flight of birds.They soar so easily and freely above the horizon.If only I could fly like that with you...towards eternity.
Impending doom
Hollow
Passionless
Who heals me?
Who feels me?
My own helping hand buries and seals me
Witnessing my own death
Still falling…
Floating free.
Motionless spinning
My black whole heart
Devours both moon and stars
I absorb her light
And am left empty.
Darkness approaching,
Eclipse beginning,
The solstice of my sadness
Rotates on its axis.
Passionless
Who heals me?
Who feels me?
My own helping hand buries and seals me
Witnessing my own death
Still falling…
Floating free.
Motionless spinning
My black whole heart
Devours both moon and stars
I absorb her light
And am left empty.
Darkness approaching,
Eclipse beginning,
The solstice of my sadness
Rotates on its axis.
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